My six-year-old son is, rightly, kind of disgruntled about the education he’s been getting around here – from me!
It all began innocently enough when we started watching RBG tonight during family dinner. It’s a school night though, so we’ll have to finish it tomorrow. It’s a special thing to watch TV during dinner, but a really special occasion to watch during dinner on a school night.
What’s the occasion? I rented the movie for 99 cents or something and I realized we’ve only got 4 days left to watch it. My son, a.k.a. Sweetie Bird, said he wanted to see it, too, so I’ve been looking for the perfect moment in between Marvel superhero movies and other life priorities, like school and bath time.
Sweetie Bird was introduced to Ruth Bader Ginsburg last year around this time when we borrowed I Dissent from the library. We discussed prejudice quite a bit because the book talks a lot about the prejudice RBG experienced as a Jew growing up.
Since the regurgitated hairball passing for POTUS these days has been a hot topic of conversation at our house for the last couple of years, Sweetie Bird has had a lot of exposure to topics like racism, prejudice, police violence, exclusion, injustice, etc. He was enthralled with MLK and John Lewis and RBG last year during MLK day and Black History Month.
My son always has a lot of comments and questions, whatever the subject at hand. I knew this film would interest him, even though he’s only six and even though it’s a documentary. He’s very interested in social justice issues and we read a lot.
We live in the Atlanta metro area and thanks to the Super Bowl being held here this year and to celebrate Black History Month, Coca-Cola sponsored an entire month of free admission the the Center for Civil and Human Rights. President’s day weekend is a long weekend in our school system, so we took advantage of the opportunity to visit the museum on a weekday, when I hoped there would be less of a crowd.
The museum was really well done and Sweetie Bird learned so much about what segregation is, the Freedom Riders, and the Lunch Counter Sit-Ins. I thought that was pretty good for a six-year-old in a museum!
It gives me great pride to see that he’s starting to understand the tip of the iceberg that is institutional racism and white supremacy in this country, thanks in no small part to the conversation starter that is the large sewer blockage-in-chief.
But, to my shame, I discovered tonight that we have nonetheless been negligent in how we have been raising our son.
For the last six years, I have thought daily about all the ways we can do everything in our power to raise an acceptable human being, who also happens to be a privileged white male human being.
I previously posted about how frustrating it was to listen to him tell me I couldn’t use power tools because “it’s too dangerous for girls” as I was actively sawing boards and attaching them to his playhouse with a drill. No matter how I tried to explain it to him, I wasn’t getting through to him. That was over a year ago, though, so he was much younger then. But when I brought it up again recently, he thought it was hilarious to joke about it like he still thought that way.
Tonight, I understood why.
Within the first 20 minutes of the film, as they are laying the groundwork to tell us all the amazing things RBG has accomplished in her life and career, Sweetie Bird began waving his arms and asking us to put it on pause.
“Maman, you didn’t tell me [discrimination] could be about if you’re a girl or a boy! I thought it was only about the color of your skin. It can also be if you’re a girl or a boy?”
Oh, my darling boy… My sensitive, thoughtful, inquisitive, darling little boy…You are absolutely right. In my zeal to be sure you understand your place of privilege in this world, and because I endeavor to make sure my feminism is intersectional, I sort of skipped over Women’s & Gender Studies 101 and plopped you right down in Racism Awareness 310.
Ooops…that’s embarrassing.
Maybe I unconsciously thought because it’s so much a part of the air I breathe, that he would inhale the lessons of gender equality autonomically. In some ways, he has. But even though we have had conversations about how there is no such thing as a “boy’s toy” or a “girl’s toy” and there are no colors for only boys or girls, we may not have ever had an explicit discussion about good old fashioned sexism.
To be clear, my husband Fab is on the same page with me and also reinforces the lessons I am more vocal about. I realize I’m using a lot of singular first-person pronouns, but that’s because it’s me telling the story. Fab is right there with me.
Here’s basically what I came up with on the spot:
“Well, um, er, um, well, yes, Sweetie Bird, discrimination against women and girls also exists, unfortunately. Women had to fight to get the right to vote, to have money of their own, to be allowed to have certain jobs. Men didn’t think women were as smart or capable as them and they had all the power to make all the important decisions. A lot of men still think that way. We are still fighting for equal pay and equal representation and a lot of other things.”
So, yeah, I guess I’ve got some ‘splaining to do. I can’t wait to get to work!
This boy keeps us looking sharp around here. No lagging! Step lively! What will his baby sister be like in five or six years???